Angry and frustrated

No… nothing major. Just thinking of an old song by Platinum Blonde that started off with those words. It doesn’t really matter… anyways. 🙂

I’m glad the seasons are changing as my life is. Pathetic fallacy abounds. All of my life’s comfortable constants have been ripped from me. I have to rebuild many facets of what was a decent life. I’m hoping to find a place of my own within a year or so… There are many complications to this end however. So… sigh. Wait and see. I’m sure I could get an apartment but tossing money into something without equity bothers me more than living with my parents until I can afford to move out…properly. You know, like I was two weeks ago. Ack.

I don’t want to be bitter. But I feel I have great reason to be. I was never loved, appreciated or accepted by most of my ex’s family. They are (mostly) bitter, cold-hearted, selfish, miserable, opinionated, short-sighted people who label someone and never let go of unfounded prejudices. It was sickening, frustrating and emotionally draining to have to deal with them. You suck – I hope you stay as lonely as you made me feel over and over.

On the other side – her mother and father were great. I will miss them and events at their home. Thank you for making me feel welcome. You were one of the reasons why it felt worth while to give as much effort as I did to try and make the relationship work. I sleep well at night.

Anyways… I’m unloading this shit to you my blog. So I can move onward. Take a few tums the next few weeks will likely give you indigestion.

five five

1. Do you like talking on the phone? Why or why not?
NO! I find it impersonal. You can’t see the person. I prefer to talk in person, esp. if it important.

2. Who is the last person you talked to on the phone?
My buddy J.

3. About how many telephones do you have at home?
3

4. Have you encountered anyone who has really bad phone manners? What happened?
Yes. I hang up.

5. Would you rather pick up the phone and call someone or write them an e-mail or a letter? Why or why not?
Prefer to e-mail.

bah.

wow… clearly there is a reason for nearly a week without a blog. My ten year relationship ended last week. In spite of knowing it was coming… the finality of it all has been VERY difficult. Did I mention we were engaged? Anyways.., Things had been deteriorating between us for years. We loved each other and tried to make it work. Ultimately you can’t force love to happen. A square peg will never fit into a round hole. We were tired of the futility and frustration; to save (what was, and still is?) a great friendship we mutually decided to break-up.

Sigh.

So, I give up the house and start dating again at 31. I’ve never had a lot of experience dating so I’m pretty intimidated. I know I hate to be alone and hope to find someone to share my live with. Bah. This sucks.